OPENING SHOT
Let's connect the dots, shall we?
Those imagining a "War Against Christmas," those claimingnativity scenes belong on government land, or condemning the phrase"Season's Greetings" for not adequately conveying the idea that theholiday season is all about Jesus Christ, Your Personal Lord andSavior, who are they, exactly?
Why, they are the very same people who try all year long to makethis nation even more of a one-faith theocracy than it already is.
Therein lies the issue. A lot of folk would be less anxious aboutreligious trappings in December were the other 11 months of the yearnot spent grimly fending off the advances of faith, battling whetherthe school science curriculum should be shredded in the name ofChristianity, or women stripped of the right to control their ownbodies, or a particular form of prayer be thrust back into thepublic schools.
Holidays are a time of joy, but not abandon. Those who insistthis is about honoring a holiday are like the creepy relativesaying, "C'mon, give your old Uncle Pete a hug!" to his cringingnieces who know that it is not just a hug he's after, but a pat anda squeeze and a lick in the ear, too.
Bottom line: There's plenty of Christmas without the governmentunderwriting the holiday. "Save it for church" might sound harsh atthis festive season, and were it not required as a year-roundmantra, we wouldn't need it so much now. But we do.
ELABORATION
Arggghhh. . . .
Permit me a visceral groan of frustration. And again.
Double arggghhhh. . . .
I'm a word guy. Or try to be. I believe words are important,attempt to choose the proper word for a particular circumstance.Right tool for the job.
At least a dozen readers, including my mother, pointed out that Ireferred to the light-admitting plastic roofs of UPS trucks as"opaque." Some were polite. Others not. One scolded me in verse.Another found deepest significance in the blunder.
"Just more evidence that we are witnessing the collapse ofWestern Civilization," wrote Fritz Plous.
I hadn't looked the word up. Thought I knew it. Thought "opaque"expressed a certain quality of milkiness, one -- if I may defend anerror -- indeed present in the definition of "opaque" in my NewOxford American Dictionary: "not able to be seen through; nottransparent: the windows were opaque with steam."
That is not the end of the story, however. The complainingreaders cleaved to a more stringent standard, such as the one in myMerriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary: "blocking the passage ofradiant energy and esp. light."
"Impenetrable by light; neither transparent nor translucent,"says the American Heritage Dictionary definition sent in by yetanother reader.
"The word you should have used is 'translucent,' " said mymother.
Right again, Mom. The Sun-Times regrets the infelicitous wordchoice.
IT'LL HAPPEN EVENTUALLY . . .
Sometime along the way, American leadership became the art offinding out exactly what most people want and then spoon-feeding itback to them.
Thus the unpopular changes that should get done, that must getdone, instead never get done. And the years roll by.
Take the copper penny and the paper dollar. Pennies are a bother -- nobody wants them, they gather in dusty bowls, collect in coffeecans. The cost in time lost, fumbling for pennies, nationwide has tobe in the big bucks.
If the government announced tomorrow we were phasing pennies out -- say in 2009, the centennial of the Lincoln cent -- the same 500people who are against every change would howl and the other 300million would heave a sigh of relief and round prices to the nearestnickel.
It makes sense. Yet our lack of political leadership is suchthat, for the sake of the 500 complainers, nothing gets done.
The paper dollar is worse. Canada doesn't have a paper dollar.Britain doesn't have a paper pound note.
They use coins instead -- they last longer, save money and, faceit, a dollar isn't that much money anymore.
Why could they do it, but we can't?
A judge last week even said that dollar bills discriminateagainst the blind.
A perfect time to ditch them. It's the only way thosepresidential dollars the mint is rolling out will be of interest tomore than just collectors.
A perfect time to change. . . . And I know just the man to do it,to lead:
Sen. Barack Obama.
Sure, people project all sorts of superhuman powers upon thejunior senator from Illinois. He will bind up our country. He willunleash the better angels of our nature. He will make us happy, makeus whole.
Obama seems to lean toward big ideas -- how to begin to clear upthe mess in Iraq, for instance.
Maybe he will, eventually. In the meantime, why not start small?There are pennies to be pitched and dollar bills to be shredded. Isit beneath his globe-spanning attention? Why should it be? Dumpingpennies and paper dollars will be money-saving, worthwhile, easy,and not even politically risky. Nobody will ever miss them.
We need to be a nation that acts, that is capable of handlingproblems. If we cannot get rid of the penny and the dollar bill, wecan't do anything. If Barack Obama isn't willing to do thisimportant, tiny, timely bit of governmental business, really, whatis it he's willing to do?
TODAY'S CHUCKLE:
In honor of Charlie Trotter's announcing that he will open a newrestaurant, a restaurant joke:
After a delicious lunch in an Italian restaurant, the well-traveled businesswoman called the chef over to compliment him.
"Your lasagna was better than one I ate in Milan Tuesday," shetold the blushing chef.
"It is not surprising," said the chef, proudly. "They usedomestic cheese, while here we use imported."
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